Monday, February 23, 2009

Deadbeat Disney

Ok, I know I might get stoned for saying anything harsh about Disney, but I've been "reliving" a lot of Disney movies again here lately because I have a two year old little girl. I've noticed that several of the classics only have one parent. What's the deal? Did ol' Walt get abandoned as a kid? Either one of them have died or they don't even mentioned the other one! And let's not even get into Bambi. I watched that and I just got pissed! He's the king of the forest! At least the asshole could be paying some child support or something! Bambi didn't even know his dad until his momma got shot down in cold blood and there was no one else to take him in. If he was around, Bambi's mamma might not have got a shot in the ass! She sure could have used an extra set of eye's but nooooo, he was too busy standing on rocks looking down at all the other hoes, I mean does....typical men! Just to back up some of my ranting here, take a look....

The Little Mermaid (no mother)
Snow White (no parents)
Pinocchio (no fake mother)
Dumbo (no daddy)
Bambi (deadbeat daddy)
Cinderella (both parents dead, stepmom a bitch)
Peter Pan (no parents, just a lost boy)
The Sword and the Stone (no mother)
Robin Hood (the mother rabbit had like 20 baby rabbits and there was no dad in the whole movie)
Aladdin (the Sultan wasn't married)
Beauty and the Beast (no mother)
Lilo and Stitch (no parents, just an inadequete sister to care for her)
A Goofy Movie (Goofy isn't married, never mentions mother)

Those are the only ones I can remember....I think i'm going to have to develop a conspiracy theory.....

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Outer Space

And now I'm back, from outer space....

Sorry it's been awhile. Here's what I have been doing while I was away....

Looking for shoes under the bed; chasing my new cat Henry; stopping Cade from carring Henry by the neck; eating little debbie cakes; fucking off on myspace and facebook just a tad; calling my co-workers douches under my breath; pretending to be a lesbian; pretending to be on a diet; cleaning up behind a two-year-old; secretly plotting against my 3-year-old nephew; daydreaming of ways to take over the world; realizing how stupid my best friend really is; realizing how much I love my best friend; trying to decide if I think my brother is really gay or if it's just me; drinking shit tons of coffee; firing some deadweight beshes at my office; being a closet cosmotologist; drinking cheap boxed wine and Arbor Mist (what can I say, I'm broke!); wondering what the fuck happened to all my tax return money; fucking off with the Wii; screaming at my dogs; wondering if my dogs are deaf; makin money, spending money; and wanting to dance like Kevin Bacon in Footloose; oh, and trying to remember my gmail username and password so I can blog again!

Oh, and I found this alien when I was there. Cute huh?