Thursday, January 15, 2009

I'm disgusted....

Ok, for those of you who have "light tummies" or aren't down for talking about real-life shit (no pun intended), you might want to bypass this post.
I just have to share with SOMEONE, anyone, what my asshole husband did yesterday morning. First, let's clarify: I don't call him an asshole out of meaness. I call him one out of honesty. Ok, moving on...
He gets up and like 5 minutes before me and goes into our bathroom which is in the master bed. Like most married couples, I come on in while he's taking a shit and turn on my electronics to make myself decent and prepare to take a shower. Well, about three steps into the bathroom, I notice something is definately not right. My nose hairs start to singe and my eyes start to water. My brain can't even function to identify where the stinch is coming from and instead of hauling ass out the bathroom, I just stand there, paralized like a deer in headlights. The smell was so horrible that I begin to feel my stomach pushing its contents upward.
By this time, he is finished and walking around me to get out the door while I'm bent over trying to keep from upchucking. Everytime I try to stand up, I gag. I look up and my husband is standing there laughing at me because his shit has made his wife seriously sick to her stomach. I'm cussing, he's laughing harder. Which pisses me off more. Never in my life have I smelled something so rotten, so vile.
Ever since, my stomach hasn't been the same. And when I think of the other morning, I throw up a little in my mouth. This has led me to wonder "Why do men think it's hilarious for us to be disgusted by their shit/farts?" What part of their brain controls the fact that they find humor in making us physically sick?

Don't they know it's only funny when we shit? Gawh.


  1. Not sure if you received my comment---it disappeared into thin air...or...'thick' air...

    Anyway, you are fricken hilarious! I totally needed to laugh!

  2. Jess told me to come over, but now that I am I'm a little frightened since I pee standing up and that sounds like it could be a dangerous thing around here.

  3. Yay Deb! Nice to "meet" you! Glad I could make you giggle!

  4. Hey Capt,

    Don't be frighten. The only male persuasion that should be scared is the ones who are stupid. =)

  5. Just FYI, watch out for Captain Dumbass. He's "handsy".

    I have to kind of side w/your hubby on the humor of farts. I'm secretly at 12 year old boy inside. My daughter and I have farting contest all the time.

  6. I love talking about poop! Isn't man poop vile?! Gahhh!

    Anyway, I tagged you in my post. You have rec'd an award! YAY!

    If you don't know how to add awards to your site or if you don't know what to do...lemme know! I shall help!

  7. Jess, I need help! I have no idea how to receive an award! But I love talking about girl poop too so that makes me cool. =)